Feeling the Feels, Not Intellectualizing

Why aren’t these uncomfortable feelings going away?

Maybe you’ve been told by a previous therapist or a friend—or maybe you’ve just recognized it yourself: You are very self aware. You know things are wrong. You see patterns. That’s kind of the problem! You think too much about the problems and it turns into anxiety, obsessive thinking, panic, and feeling overwhelmed. Therapy might not have helped, because you already know what you’re thinking and feeling. The problem might be that you’ve been intellectualizing you’re problems instead of actually allowing the emotions to process. It takes practice and guidance, but here is the general process:

1. Become aware of an emotion coming up.
   Ask yourself "What's happening with me right now? I’m having tense shoulders...there is a certain thought that keeps rushing through my head…I’m feeling really intense…ahh I'm feeling an emotion.

2. Name what emotion you're feeling.
   If you have a friend come up and tell you they’re feeling grief. Another friend comes up and tells you they’re feeling intense anger. Are you going to give them the same advice? Probably not! The same goes for your own self. We need to identify what it is you’re actually feeling. Check out the list of emotions and reflect on the most accurate word that describes your emotion.

3. Accept that the emotion is here.
   Emotions are not our enemy. They are a check engine light trying to communicate with us. Instead of resisting, accept that they are here for now. “This feeling of sadness is here…and it's uncomfortable, but it’s okay."

4. Get curious about the feeling.
   Sink a little deeper into it. Where am I feeling it in my body? When have I felt this way before? What colour or shape or temperature or size is it? What is it telling me? What value or need is being rubbed up against?

5. Release the feeling.
   Let out tears, body shakes, huffs, wring a towel, stomp your feet, scream into a pillow, or curl in a ball and take a hot shower.